Spouses, Kids, and Boxes on Wheels
by DancingRaindrops
Summary: All-dialogue one-shot. A random conversation between Chad and Sonny leads to a game of MASH.


A/N: Hello! So this is a fun one-shot that I wrote last night and decided I would post once **Vocabulary Lessons** hit 100 favorites. And guess what? When I woke up, I checked my email, and the 100th favorite was sitting there, waiting for me. :D I'm so glad. Thank you to everyone who favorited and reviewed! (And if you haven't read it yet, go check out the latest chapter, which I posted yesterday. :P) They're both a bit OOC in this one-shot in my opinion - or at least, I wrote them differently here than how I normally write them in my other stories. It was fun. :D Enjoy!

**Spouses, Kids, and Boxes on Wheels**

"Chad."

"Sonny."

"Why are you always over here?"

"Because I'm bored. And the best place to be bored is with boring people. It gives you a reason to be bored."

"Thanks. It's nice to know someone finds me entertaining."

"No problem. I'm here to help."

"I'm sure."

"Nah, probably not."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Because you have excellent powers of foresight?"

"Because you never help anyone but yourself."

"Not true."

"_So_ true!"

"_So_ not!"

"Name _one_ time you helped someone other than yourself for absolutely no selfish reason."

"When I dressed up as Weird Beard."

"That was selfish."

"No it wasn't!"

"You told me yourself that it was because you wanted to try on the weird beard."

"What? When?"

"When I said it was because you cared."

"Oh. Right."

"Mhm. So you even said the selfish reason yourself. Try again."

"I went on the fake date with you to get back at James."

"You told me that was to get revenge on him for taking your phone."

"No."

"Yes. I believe you said something along the lines of, 'Don't think I'm doing this for you, though. That jerk stole my phone, that's the only reason why.'"

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely, positively."

"Well, then what about the time I gave you your prop house back?"

"After you took it away."

"I didn't _have_ to give it back."

"You didn't _have_ to take it away in the first place."

"But I still gave it back."

"Only after the rat in the photo booth scared you off."

"I'm not scared of anything."

"Except rats."

"_Especially_ rats."

"Haven't we had this conversation before?"

"Yes. I'm not scared of musical chairs either."

"Whatever. It was still selfish. You did it to escape the rat."

"Well, then - "

"Chad. This isn't working. You and I both know you've never done anything selflessly."

"Fine. Then I'll be selfless now, and prove you wrong."

"That's not being selfless. That's pretending to be selfless to prove yourself right, being selfish in itself."

"Who cares? It's still some form of selflessness. Now, what do you want me to do?"

"To be quiet."

"No. Pick a different one."

"How selfless of you to ask politely."

"I know, right? That's just how good I am."

"Uh huh."

"You got that right."

"Mhm."

"...So."

"So..."

"Wow, you're boring. Told you."

"I am not boring!"

"Oh, really? Prove it."

"Fine. Let's play a game, then, shall we?"

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Good."

"Good."

"Fine."

"Fine."

""If this is your game, you need to be more original. We've been playing this game for months."

"Unfortunately. No, the game I have in mind is one that I used to play all the time back in Wisconsin, MASH. Ever played it?"

"Isn't that the game where you plan out your future?"

"Yup."

"Well, that sounds boring. But I expected no less from you, so let's get started."

"Ugh, whatever. You can go first. Four potential spouses."

"Hannah Montana. Ashley Tisdale."

"They can't all be superstars."

"Fine. Sonny Munroe."

"Hey!"

"What can I say?"

"Whatever, I'll just write it down. You need a bad one too. Whom would you really not like to marry?"

"Most people."

"A girl. Specifically."

"That kid on your show."

"...yeah, I wouldn't want to marry her either if I was you. That would be kind of creepy."

"And she doesn't need any help with that, either."

"Okay, whatever. Zora Lancaster. Now, cities to live in."

"Hollywood. New York."

"And?"

"Where did you live in Wisconsin?"

"Green Bay, but how is that relevant?"

"Put that down. And...umm...Haiti."

"Wow, Chad Dylan Cooper in Haiti. I would pay money to see that."

"I wouldn't. Next category?"

"Number of kids."

"One. Two."

"So few?"

"Okay, then I'll have more. Five. Ten."

"Your poor wife."

"You're the one who said you wanted more!"

"Okay! Moving on...car."

"Porsche. Rolls-Royce. BMW. Mercedes."

"Forget the BMW and Mercedes, I'm putting in a Toyota and a box with wheels."

"A box with wheels?"

"Yes. Now, amount of money you earn per day."

"One million dollars. One _trillion_ dollars."

"One hundred dollars. One dollar."

"What? That's terrible!"

"That's how the game works."

"Ugh, fine."

"Your future job."

"Well, that's easy. Actor. Director."

"Accountant. Hobo."

"_What_?!"

"Mhm. Well, that's enough. Tell me when to stop."

"...Stop."

"That's...sixteen marks."

"Sweet sixteen. What's my future?"

"Hang on, let me just mark through..."

"...are you done yet?"

"No."

"...now?"

"No!"

"Geez, you take a long time. Boring _and_ slow."

"Why, thank you."

"Any time."

"...You're kidding me."

"You're done? That's shocking. I'm just as surprised as you are."

"No, it's not that, it's..."

"Well, what is it?"

"You marry _me_."

"What?"

"I know. I can't believe that of all your choices, it had to be me."

"You must have rigged it that way."

"I did not! I would never _intentionally_ plan for you to marry me in your future!"

"It's okay, Sonny. You can admit it."

"_You're_ the one who picked 16 as the number. _You_ rigged it."

"Now, Sonny, why would I do something like that? Come on, just finish the rest of it."

"...wow."

"You done?"

"You have quite a life, Chad."

"Of course I do. I'm Chad Dylan Cooper."

"Having 'quite a life' can be interpreted multiple ways."

"Would you just tell me already?"

"You're so impatient. I don't know how you can have five kids. You're like another one yourself."

"Five kids?"

"Mhm. And _I_ have to take care of SIX!"

"_Five_ kids?"

"It would appear so."

"I better get started on names."

"What?"

"Well, I was hoping it would be one - Chad Dylan Cooper Jr. But now that there are five...oh, I know! Chad, Dylan, and Cooper. And...Mackenzie and Falls. Perfect."

"I am not naming one of my children Cooper Cooper. Or Falls Cooper."

"Fine. They'll be Chad Jr., Dylan, Mackenzie, Allison Jr., and Madge."

"_Madge_? What kind of a name is that?"

"It's the name that I thought was yours. You were dressed up as Madge the waitress when we first met."

"...You would name one of our children after our first meeting?"

"Why not?"

"That's - oddly sweet, Chad. I'm impressed."

"Or we could name one Eric! After Weird Beard! Or Selena, who finally got you to admit I have sparkly eyes. Or - "

"I got it. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, alright?"

"Fine. What about the rest?"

"Well, we live in New York City."

"Cool."

"In a mansion."

"Even cooler. We'll need it, what with five kids."

"And you're an accountant."

"_What_?!"

"Who drives to work in a box on wheels."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Nope. But you do earn $100 a day."

"Is that a lot for an accountant?"

"It's apparently enough to live in a mansion in New York and support five kids."

"Well, sounds good enough, I suppose. Although I want more money to buy myself a proper car. Remind me never to sell my car when we get older."

"I might not even _know_ you when we're older."

"Of course you will. We're getting married."

"...You know this is just a game, right, Chad?"

"A surprisingly not-as-boring-as-I-thought game. A perhaps accurate-fortune-telling game."

"Are you saying you think we might actually be married one day, living in a mansion in New York City with five kids, and you as an accountant who drives a box on wheels?"

"I'd say yes up until the accountant part. I'll be a famous actor who drives no less than ten cars, all worth more than a trillion boxes on wheels each."

"Married? You and me?"

"Why not?"

"But you said I'm boring."

"I said this game was boring too. But I obviously don't think so. You have to learn the difference between saying something and meaning it, sunshine."

"So you didn't mean it?"

"I don't know. Did I?"

"You're impossible."

"Clearly, if we have five kids."

"Don't even _think_ about going there."

"Too late. I just did."

"Go somewhere else, Chad."

"Good idea. See you later, Sonny...oh, and I'll take _this_ as a reminder to myself to _never_ sell my cars."

"Alright then. Goodbye, my accountant."

"Goodbye, my wife."

_**Twenty years later...**_

"Chad, what is this?"

"What's what?"

"This. This piece of notebook paper folded and tucked in your wallet. It's a bit old and faded."

"Wow. Don't you remember this? MASH. This is when I found out that I was going to marry you. That changed my whole life."

"You know it's just a game, right, Chad?"

"I vaguely remember you telling me so. But that didn't keep me from firmly believing that we were going to fall in love."

"You were already half in love with me at the time, Chad."

"And you were _completely_ in love with _me_. I can still remember your face when I suggested we name one of our daughters Madge."

"I'm glad we didn't."

"Me too. But we _do_ have five kids."

"True. And we live in a mansion. But the rest of it's wrong. So much for that box on wheels."

"That's okay. The only important aspect of my future in that game was having you as my wife. I didn't really care about the rest."

"You get sweeter with age, Chad."

"Hey, I'm not _that_ old yet!"

"Of course, honey. Of course."

"We should play this game again. Now I predict that our marriage will last longer than Zanessa's."

"I certainly hope it will."

"Trust me, if I have anything to do with it, ours will last until death do us part."

"Mmm, I agree."

"Or at least, until the MASH says it must end. Because you know, the MASH is law."

"It's just a game, Chad."

"Game is my new nickname for Oracle. I apologize that I ever called you boring."

"Was that to me or to 'the Oracle'?"

"Both. You're both very entertaining now."

"Which one is _more_ entertaining?"

"Naughty Sonny. Shall we go for kid number six?"

"I'm all for it. As long as we don't name her Madge."

"That depends on Oracle. Oracle?"

"Are you talking to a piece of paper?"

"Oracle says it's fine. And she's not just a piece of paper, you know. She's - "

"Oh, shut up and kiss me."

"Of course, my beautiful, entertaining bride. Any time."

A/N: This is another one of those rambling conversations. You wouldn't believe how many times I went through this MASH using different numbers, trying to make sure his wife was Sonny. Seriously. At 11 PM. So it's probably wrong anyways, depressingly. But oh well. I doubt anyone's actually going to check it. The accountant thing was totally random, too – I just picked a job that came to mind. Please review! You know how much better they make me feel. :)


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